About Dean Thorpe: 

My more Female side

This page shows a very different side to me, I will just get this over with, I'm Genderfluid and very open about that these days, if you have a problem with that then I suggest you leave and find another website to look around :)

I was AMAB Assigned Male At Birth, but to me Gender is in the head, not between the legs and with me it really does vary a lot from one day to the next! It's not a case of waking up 100% Male or 100% Female, it can be anywhere in between and a mixture of both, so I could feel 90% Female and 10% Male, but I can also feel 75% Male and 75% Female, with conflicting genders fighting in my head all day or even 0% Male and 0% Female, totally without gender or I can be any other combination. If you think that is confusing to read, just imagine what it's like going on in my head! lol. I have used a word in there which I dislike, but I have trouble with finding a better one, that word is feel! One day I feel like eating chips for dinner, the next I might feel like salad, but although you might fancy that it's not a need! Being Genderfluid I may feel Female one day, but that feeling is more like a feeling that breathing is a good thing to do! 

I look in the mirror on those days, my Gender Dysphoria kicks in, and I hate the way I look, I hate any Maleness in my reflection. Wearing Male clothes on those days feels like I am being forced to wear one of those inflatable sumo suits. On Male days I feel just as strongly about that side of me, hating to see anything Female in my reflection! Luckily most days I am somewhere in the middle, maybe two thirds Female and one third Male, so not that bothered which Gender clothes I am in, if I have makeup on etc. My female side does sometimes use the name Daphne when those feelings are stongest, but I happily answer to either name no matter what type of day I'm having. 

I see Dean and Daphne as two halves of the same personality, like a coin, you can only see one side at a time, but whichever is exposed it's still the same coin inside!

Some people say that Genderfluid doesn't exist, that there is no such thing as non binary, there is only Male and Female, plus it is fully connected to what genitals a person happens to be born with, they should try being in my head!!! I was born with Boys bits between my legs, well some people are born blonde, doesn't mean they can't change if they feel the need to. Do I think I was born the wrong gender? That's a difficult question, I don't feel 100% Male or Female most of the time, so I probably would struggle coping whichever I had. I do have Trans friends who know 100% definitely that the body they were given doesn't match the thoughts and feelings in their brains. 

I have never seen America with my own eyes, does that mean it doesn't exist? No! So why do some people not believe in being Genderfluid or Trans purely because they have not experienced that themselves? I also have no idea how an engine works, sometimes you just need to either try to learn or just accept that there are things you don't understand, me not understanding an engine won't stop all cars working, anymore than somebody not understanding Trans / Genderfluid etc. will stop people being Trans. Some people call it being Genderflux or just part of being Non Binary, Binary would be a world with people who are just 100% Male or just 100% Female. 

Most of the time when I am out and about I look mostly Male, I just find that easier, but sadly more importantly I feel safer. The UK is becoming a much better place to be out as Genderfluid, Non Binary, Transsexual etc. There will always be people that have a problem with it and will cause a scene, yell abuse or even be physically violent towards anybody different to themselves. The important thing to remember if if someone has a problem with you because of your Gender, Sexuality, skin colour, Religion or whatever then they have the problem, not you!

It took me until my 40's to completely accept and understand who and what I am, I always knew and had been wearing Feminine clothes every chance I could since my early teens. I tried to fight it for a long time, I was brought up in a very binary thinking world where a baby Boy was supposed to grow up to be a big, strong Man and a baby Girl was supposed to grow up playing with dolls and turn into a beautiful Woman. Men only dressed as Women for comedy or entertainment reasons, it was never taken seriously.

For me it's Sexuality, not Sexual! In case anyone wonders I don't get turned on by wearing Feminine clothes, I feel more comfortable in them on those days, they feel right, they feel normal! My partner is a Straight Cis (someone whose gender identity matches the gender that they were assigned at birth) Woman, but she loves me, understands me and accepts me completely :)