Out There Poem

Out there

I open up my eyes, To look out at the world
Pull back the thick curtains, See what's really out there

Outside it seems so bright, The light itself feels cold
My eyes begin to sting, Wonder what is out there

Some people are so nice, But others are so cruel
A mixed up place this world, Why should I go out there

I open up the door, And step into the light
Please let me go inside, Don't want to be out there

I know that it is safe, And other people go
I gather up the strength, Slowly go back out there

I know it is so strange, To not want to go out
But sometimes I can't cope, Joining the world out there

I am going to do it, Watch out world I'm coming
I step into the street, And now I am out there

My heart begins to race, But I'm not giving up
I won't let it beat me, Now I'm staying out there

I walk up to the car, And open up the door
I get behind the wheel, Pleased I made it out there

I drive down to the town, I feel safe in the car
But deep inside I know, Soon I will be out there

I get out of the car, And take a look around
It does not look that bad, Now that I am out there

I step into a shop, Not many people there
I grab the things I want, Not wasting time out there

Then back out in the street, Back to the car I go
Then drive back to my home, Spent enough time out there

I step in through the door, Lock it tight behind me
Feel good that I did it, Pleased that I went out there
Dean Thorpe
Sometimes locks are in the mind

About the poem

I am kind of Agoraphobic, it does come and go and its no where near as bad as some people get, even when its at its worst, but it does effect my life quite a lot. Agoraphobia is a mental health problem that means for me that I can often be scared to even leave the house, but its normally an irrational fear, I know that there is very little for me to fear out there. When I do go out I can panic, its worst in crowded places, but unlike some with Agoraphobia or other mental health problems I am fine with wide open spaces, I just have trouble coping with large groups of people. I can even go out and photograph some very big public events when I am feeling mentally well, but I do feel safer behind the camera as people just let me get on with it and don't often talk to me. I do find the crowds hard sometimes if I get caught up in the middle of them, I just feel the need to always have a way to escape if I needed to.

Summary
  1. Her notepad poems: Introduction
  2. Her notepad poems: Being free to be me
  3. Her notepad poems: Big metal box
  4. Her notepad poems: Blue lights in the mirror
  5. Her notepad poems: Christmas thoughts
  6. Her notepad poems: Cold and grey in the UK
  7. Her notepad poems: Colours of my life
  8. Her notepad poems: Computers are a pain
  9. Her notepad poems: Concept of happiness
  10. Her notepad poems: Crowds all around me
  11. Her notepad poems: Eh Ju Kay Shon
  12. Her notepad poems: Evil people around us
  13. Her notepad poems: Exploring the woods
  14. Her notepad poems: Feel the pain
  15. Her notepad poems: Feeling alone
  16. Her notepad poems: Fluffy little tails
  17. Her notepad poems: Fluidity / genderfluid
  18. Her notepad poems: Free school parking
  19. Her notepad poems: Frozen moment in time
  20. Her notepad poems: Gay Pride
  21. Her notepad poems: Going to Disneyland Paris
  22. Her notepad poems: Hand beside me
  23. Her notepad poems: I hate you
  24. Her notepad poems: Illusion of life
  25. Her notepad poems: Just another dumb animal
  26. Her notepad poems: Life of a photographer
  27. Her notepad poems: Life of a snowflake
  28. Her notepad poems: Light from another world
  29. Her notepad poems: Lurking in the darkness
  30. Her notepad poems: Maybe I am going mad
  31. Her notepad poems: Mindfulness
  32. Her notepad poems: My first true love
  33. Her notepad poems: Normality
  34. Her notepad poems: Not going mad this Christmas
  35. Her notepad poems: Opening my mind
  36. Her notepad poems: Out there
  37. Her notepad poems: Passion or prayer
  38. Her notepad poems: Perfect man
  39. Her notepad poems: Psyonic dreams
  40. Her notepad poems: Raindrops on the window
  41. Her notepad poems: Red is the colour of blood
  42. Her notepad poems: Roller coaster rider
  43. Her notepad poems: Second by second
  44. Her notepad poems: Side effect of Doctors
  45. Her notepad poems: Storm
  46. Her notepad poems: Strange creatures
  47. Her notepad poems: Stranger beside me
  48. Her notepad poems: Sugar excess
  49. Her notepad poems: Tick and the tock
  50. Her notepad poems: Trapped in the Summer
  51. Her notepad poems: Trust in terror media
  52. Her notepad poems: Watching death poem
  53. Her notepad poems: Westwood House
  54. Her notepad poems: When I grow up
  55. Her notepad poems: When munchies attack
  56. Her notepad poems: Why I go to Pride
  57. Her notepad poems: Why me